I'm going to Ohio for Christmas to see my family, and to possibly meet someone that I've met on the Internet. He's from New York too, but his family is also in Ohio and we're going home around the same time. Wouldn't that be romantic? Two strangers from New York who met on an online dating site, meet for the first time at a Denny's in Medina Ohio?
So, I guess I should start with why I'm doing this online dating stuff. I didn't sign up just so I could find someone to kiss on New Years, I'm fine with playing Junior Trivial Pursuit with my cousins when the ball drops. I'm not even looking for a relationship. Online dating is something I wouldn't normally do because it just seems like such an unnatural way to meet someone, but some of my friends are on there, and they seem to like it, and I'm bored, so I decide to just do it. I'll challenge myself. Who knows? Maybe I could meet someone. But if I don't, I'm fine with that.
When I first signed up, I was addicted and I would be online all the time, taking quizzes and looking for matches in the New York area. One day I got a message saying that someone had favorited me. If you aren't familiar with online dating, the "favorite" thing is where you see someones profile you like, you favorite them and it saves them on your profile. So, this guy did that with me, and it alerts me, so I know he likes me. So of course I immediately check out his profile.
The profile is very vague and makes no sense at all, but it mentions that he has a 40 pound goiter. Right away I'm intrigued. Does he really have a 40 pound goiter? Because that would be a medical mystery. Or maybe he has a much smaller goiter and he's saying it's that big so you aren't as shocked when you see the much smaller goiter. I want the answer, so I figure"What the hell?" and I favorite him back. Almost a minute later, my little online chat pops up and it's him
"check your inbox"
I look at my inbox and he has sent me a two page novel of an email entitled "Erudite Epicure sks Sexy B-girl for Succor and Sin." He tells me to chat him after I've read it. But basically it starts with him quoting Keats and it ends with "I think it was Polonius who once said...." It's very long and boring, and it mentions "Let's get drinks and see where the night takes us." Yep, not what I'm looking for at all.
At this point, I'm a little weirded out. All this guy knew about me was what was on my profile, and he was already planning our future together. I decide not to respond. Partly, because I don't have time, and partly because this guy seems a little crazy.
The next day, as soon as I sign on, he starts chatting with me. He asks me when we should meet. I tell him "I don't think we're looking for the same thing, that I'm not looking for a serious relationship or romance at the moment. I just want to meet new people and make friends." He says, "Isn't that how it starts?" So we chat a little longer and he seems really pushy. He lives in Brooklyn and he keeps trying to convince me to come meet him in Brooklyn and I'm thinking "There is no way I'm going any where near your apartment." He tells me maybe we can meet in Manhattan somewhere for drinks. He wants me to think about it.
So, I do. What if I did go meet him and he turned out to be great? What if we met in person and had an instant connection. But based on our conversation so far, I really doubted that would happen. But, he could be crazy and what if I met him and he stalked me and raped me and killed me and then chopped me into little pieces. That, I thought was more likely. And I signed up for this site, looking to challenge myself....so I decided to go for it.
The next day I get online and wait for him to message me. I see that crazy man is online, but he hasn't messaged me yet. I'm a little hurt. The potentially crazy, potential goiter man that I've chatted with a few times on the Internet, has rejected me. I thought I was special. I thought I was the only one he wanted to stalk. He was probably sending two page emails to other girls.
But then, finally, he messages me, asking when we're going to meet. I might be putting my life in danger by meeting this crazy man, but I'm not stupid, so I put a plan into action. I set it up so there's a time frame of a couple hours, and I have a show to go to after so I have an out. I pick Chelsea for coffee that's safe. He picks a coffee place and I immediately google it, to make sure it's not an abandoned warehouse or something. Nope, it turns out it's legit. I also set up texts from three different friends to happen during the meeting, to make sure I'm not dead.
So, I get to the place early and take a seat. When he walks in, he doesn't look crazy at all. The best description I can think of is he looked like a character out of The Secret Garden. Like Uncle Archibald without the hump. And rounder. He had longish, well kept hair and a floor length black wool coat with a high collar. And no goiter. I couldn't help but be disappointed. He was perfectly nice and smart and interesting, but it definitely wasn't an instant connection, and he wasn't crazy. Lucky for that, because two of the friends that were supposed to text me forgot, and my other friend was late in texting. If he was crazy, I would have been dead by then.
We talked for a while and when it was time to go he mentioned meeting up together in Ohio at Christmas. I said "I don't think so." I think he got the hint, because he hasn't messaged me since.
So, maybe I'll be alone this Christmas but I'm okay with that, because I know somewhere, out there, there is a special someone for me. With a 40 pound goiter.
No comments:
Post a Comment